For Once in My Life

A needle in my arm, the thoughts in my head
What's it matter anyways? By the morning, I'll be dead
It'll all end quick, why not do it right now?
Yeah, I'm dealing with some shit, I just don't know how

And my friend's got the powder, so I hook him up with pills
And his friends got the rocks, so we're hookin' up some deals
One thing leads to another, now I'm here
In a place between death, and a place called fear
I've never been so low in my life
I was 'bout to be a mother, I was 'bout to be a wife

Now my only fuckin' friend is the poison in my hand
And the gun under the bed to bring it all to an end
And I'm prayin' to the Lord in the sky
But it doesn't mean shit, cause all my prayers are a lie

How can I sit here askin' God for his help?
When I'm the sorry fuckin' bitch that put myself here in hell

Now that's deep, but it ain't deep enough to make me quit
I'm on my last life, but I ain't gonna trip
Cause when I die I know that everyone will just forget
So if I fuckin' put one in me, it'll help this shit
The pain is too much, and I can't even take no more
Cause I can hear somebody knockin', death's at the door
One more hit, one more high, one more feel
And this shit will all be over with this shit that's made to kill

I feel the sting through my veins, feel the pain
And I know I can't complain cause I'm the only one to blame
It's such a rush when my heart skips a beat
I can feel it from my head down until it hits my feet
And then I hit the floor, still begging more
And I'll do it everyday until I'm knockin' on Heaven's door
So many demons, and I need an angel now
Cause I'm starting to let go, and it's gonna drag me down
My family cries, but it doesn't seem to phase me
I laugh in death's face hopin' that it comes and takes me
A fallen angel, and I'll never be the same again
As long as I get high, then I will never be ashamed again
I wonder what it's like to really feel pain
So the next time I slide the razor deeper in my vein
The noise fades, everything goes black
In the end there's nobody, and there's no coming back

I feel the pain in my lungs, I can breathe
And for once in my life I am happy, and I'm free
Everybody said, "You're never gonna make it."
But once I saw my chance, man, I knew I had to take it
So I prayed to the Lord in the sky
For another day of love, and another day of life
I'm seeing shit that I'd never seen before
Like the beauty in the world, and now I love it even more
I made amends to the people in my past
Now I take things slow, never move too fast
Cause when my heart stopped, I got a new life
Now I get to see my kids, and I get to be a wife
Lost it all, cause of one little voice
In the back of my head, and I made a stupid choice
I was an addict, but I'll never go back
To the things that I did that made me fall into the black

Cause that's deep
Deep enough to make you wanna just forget
I was on my last life, and didn't give a shit
But when I died I saw God, and I just couldn't quit
So if I fuckin' put one in me it could ruin this
The pain is too much, and I ain't gonna take no more
Cause I can hear somebody knockin', death's at the door
And one more hit, one more high, one more feel
And my life could all be over with that shit that's made to kill