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TESTO - Lou Rawls - A Lonely Way to Spend an Evening
TESTO - Lou Rawls - A Lonely Way to Spend an Evening
**From "Where I Lived and What I Lived For"**
When first I
took up my abode in the woods
, that is, began to spend my nights as well as days there
, which, by accident, was on Independence day, or the fourth of July, 1845, my house was not finished for winter, but was merely a defense against the rain, without plastering or chimney, the walls being of rough weather-stained boards, with wide chinks, which made it cool at night.
The upright white hewn studs and freshly planed door and window casings gave it a clean and airy look,
especially in the morning, when its timbers were saturated with dew, so that I fancied that by noon some sweet gum would exude from them…
I was seated by the shore of a small pond, about a mile and a half south of the village of Concord and somewhat higher than it, in the midst of an extensive wood between that town and Lincoln, and about two miles south of that our only field known to fame, Concord Battle Ground; but I was so low in the woods that the opposite shore, half a mile off, like the rest, covered with wood, was my most distant horizon.
For the first week, whenever I looked out on the pond it impressed me like a tarn high up on the side of a mountain, its bottom far above the surface of other lakes, and, as the sun arose, I saw it throwing off its nightly clothing of mist, and here and there, by degrees, its soft ripples or its smooth reflecting surface was revealed
, while the mists, like ghosts, were stealthily withdrawing in every direction into the woods,
as at the breaking up of some nocturnal conventicle
. The very dew seemed to hang upon the trees later into the day than usual
, as on the sides of mountains. . . .
I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only
the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear
; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary
. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion.
For most men, it appears to me, are in a strange uncertainty about it, whether it is of the devil or of God
, and have somewhat hastily concluded that it is the chief end
of man here to “glorify God and enjoy him forever.
Still we live meanly, like ants; though the fable tells us that we were long ago changed into men; like pygmies we fight with cranes
; it is error upon error, and clout
upon clout, and our best virtue has for its occasion a superfluous
. Our life is frittered
away by detail.
An honest man has hardly need to count more than his ten fingers
, or in extreme cases he may add his ten toes, and lump the rest.
Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand; instead of a million count half a dozen, and keep your accounts on your thumbnail
. In the midst of this chopping sea of civilized life, such are the clouds and storms and quicksands and thousand-and-one items to be allowed for, that a man has to live, if he would not
flounder and go to the bottom and not make his port at all, by dead reckoning, and he must be a great calculator indeed who succeeds
, simplify. Instead of three meals a day, if it be necessary eat but one; instead of a hundred dishes, five; and reduce other things in proportion. . . .
Why should we live with such hurry and waste of life? We are determined to be starved before we are hungry.
Men say that a stitch in time saves nine
, and so they take a thousand stitches today to save nine to-morrow.
As for work, we haven’t any of any consequence.
We have the Saint Vitus’ dance
, and cannot possibly keep our heads still
. If I should only give a few pulls at the parish bell-rope
, as for a fire, that is, without setting the bell
, there is hardly a man on his farm
in the outskirts of Concord
, notwithstanding that press of engagements which was his excuse so many times this morning, nor a boy, nor a woman, I might almost say, but would forsake
all and follow that sound, not mainly to save property from the flames, but, if we will confess the truth, much more to see it burn, since burn it must, and we, be it known, did not set it on fire,—or to see it put out, and have a hand in it, if that is done as handsomely; yes, even if it were the parish church itself.
Hardly a man takes a half hour’s nap after dinner, but when
he wakes he holds up his head and asks, “What’s the news?” as if the rest of mankind had stood his sentinels.
Some give directions to be waked every half hour, doubtless for no other purpose; and then, to pay for it, they tell what they have dreamed.
After a night’s sleep the news is as indispensable
as the breakfast. “Pray tell me any thing new that has happened to a man any where on this globe,”
—and he reads it over his coffee and rolls, that a man has had his eyes gouged out this morning on the Wachito River
; never dreaming the while that he lives in the dark unfathomed
mammoth cave of this world
, and has but the rudiment
of an eye himself.
For my part, I could easily do without the post-office. I think that there are very few important communications made through it. To speak critically, I never received more than one or two letters in my life—I wrote this some years ago—that were worth the postage. The penny-post is, commonly, an institution through which you seriously offer a man that penny for his thoughts which is so often safely offered in
And I am sure that I never read any memorable news in a newspaper.
If we read of one man robbed, or murdered, or killed by accident, or one house burned, or one vessel wrecked, or one steamboat blown up, or one cow run over on the Western Railroad, or one mad dog killed, or one lot of grasshoppers in the winter, —we never need read of another.
One is enough. . . .
Let us spend one day as deliberately as Nature, and not be thrown off the track by every nutshell and mosquito’s wing that falls on the rails.
Let us rise early and fast
, or break fast, gently and without perturbation
; let company come and let company go, let the bells ring and the children cry,—determined to make a day of it. . . .
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in
. I drink at it; but while I drink I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is.
Its thin current slides away, but eternity remains.
I would drink deeper
; fish in the sky, whose bottom is pebbly with stars.
I cannot count one. I know not the first letter of the alphabet.
I have always been regretting that I was not as wise as the day I was born.
is a cleaver
; it discerns and rifts its way into the secret of things
. I do not wish to be any more busy with my hands than is necessary. My head is hands and feet.
I feel all my best faculties
concentrated in it. My instinct tells me that my head is an organ for burrowing, as some creatures use their snout and fore-paws, and with it I would mine and burrow my way through these hills.
I think that the richest vein is somewhere hereabouts; so by the divining rod and thin rising vapors I judge; and here I will begin to mine.
This is a delicious evening
, when the whole body is one sense, and imbibes
delight through every pore. I go and come with a strange liberty in Nature, a part of herself. As I walk along the stony shore of the pond in my shirt sleeves
, though it is cool as well as cloudy and windy, and I see nothing special to attract me
, all the elements are unusually congenial to me. The bullfrogs trump to usher in the night, and the note of the whippoorwill
on the rippling wind from over the water. Sympathy with the fluttering alder
and poplar leaves almost takes away my breath
; yet, like the lake, my serenity is rippled but not ruffled.
These small waves raised by the evening wind are as remote from storm as the smooth reflecting surface.
Though it is now dark, the wind still blows and roars in the wood, the waves still dash, and some creatures lull the rest with their notes.
is never complete. The wildest animals do not repose, but seek their prey now; the fox
, and skunk,
and rabbit, now roam the fields and woods without fear. They are Nature’s watchmen —links which connect the days of animated life.
Men frequently say to me, “I should think you would feel lonesome down there, and want to be nearer to folks, rainy and snowy days and nights especially.”
I am tempted to reply to such
,—This whole earth which we inhabit is but a point in space.
How far apart, think you, dwell the two most distant inhabitants of yonder star, the breadth of whose disk cannot be appreciated by our instruments?
Why should I feel lonely? Is not our planet in the Milky Way? This which you put seems to me not to be the most important question. What sort of space is that which separates a man from his fellows and makes him solitary? I have found that no exertion of the legs
can bring two minds much nearer to one another...
*From "The Pond in Winter"*
Every winter the liquid and trembling surface of the pond, which was so sensitive to every breath, and reflected every light and shadow, becomes solid to the depth of a foot or a foot and a half, so that it will support the heaviest teams
, and perchance
the snow covers it to an equal depth,
and it is not to be distinguished from any level field. Like the marmots
in the surrounding hills, it closes its eye-lids and becomes dormant
for three months or more. Standing on the snow-covered plain, as if in a pasture amid the hills, I cut my way first through a foot of snow, and then a foot of ice, and open a window under my feet, where, kneeling to drink, I look down into the quiet parlor of the fishes, pervaded by a softened light as through a window of ground glass, with its bright sanded floor the same as in summer; there a perennial waveless serenity reigns as in the amber twilight sky, corresponding to the cool and even temperament of the inhabitants.
Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads
One attraction in coming to the woods to live was that I should have leisure and opportunity to see the spring come in. The ice in the pond at length begins to be honey-combed, and I can set my heel in it as I walk.
Fogs and rains and warmer suns are gradually melting the snow; the days have grown sensibly longer; and I see how I shall get through the winter without adding to my woodpile, for large fires are no longer necessary.
I am on the alert for
the first signs of spring
, to hear the chance note of some arriving bird, or the striped squirrel’s chirp, for his stores must be now nearly exhausted
, or see the woodchuck venture out of his winter quarters.
The change from storm and winter to serene and mild weather, from dark and sluggish hours to bright and elastic ones
, is a memorable crisis which all things proclaim.
It is seemingly instantaneous
at last. Suddenly an influx of light filled my house, though the evening was at hand, and the clouds of winter still overhung it, and the eaves were dripping with sleety rain.
looked out the window, and lo
! where yesterday was cold gray ice there lay the transparent pond
already calm and full of hope as in a summer evening
, reflecting a summer evening sky in its bosom, though none was visible overhead, as if it had intelligence with some remote horizon. . . .
I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there
. Perhaps it seemed to me that I had several more lives to live, and could not spare any more time for that one.
It is remarkable how easily and insensibly we fall into a particular route, and make a beaten track for ourselves. I had not lived there a week before my feet wore a path from my door to the pond-side; and though it is five or six years since I trod it, it is still quite distinct. It is true, I fear that others may have fallen into it, and so helped to keep it open. The surface of the earth is soft and impressible by the feet of men; and so with the paths which the mind travels. How worn and dusty, then, must be the highways of the world, how deep the ruts of tradition and conformity! I did not wish to take a cabin passage, but rather to go before the mast and on the deck of the world, for there I could best see the moonlight amid the mountains.
I do not wish to go below now.
I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings.
In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness.
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under
Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises?
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears
, however measured or far away. It is not important that he should mature as soon as an appletree or an oak.
Shall he turn his spring into summer?
If the condition of things which we were made for is not yet, what were any reality which we can substitute? We will not be shipwrecked on a vain reality
. Shall we with pains erect a heaven of blue glass over ourselves
, though when it is done we shall be sure to gaze still at the true ethereal
far above, as if the former were not? . . .
However mean your life is, meet it and live it; do not shun it and call it hard names. It is not so bad as you are. It looks poorest when you are richest.
The fault-finder will find faults even in paradise. Love your life, poor as it is. You may perhaps have some pleasant, thrilling, glorious hours, even in a poorhouse.
The setting sun is reflected from the windows
of the almshouse as brightly as from the rich man’s abode; the snow melts before its door as early in the spring.
I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there, and have as cheering thoughts, as in a palace. The town’s poor seem to me often to live the most independent lives of any. May be they are simply great enough to receive without misgiving.
Most think that they are above being supported by the town
; but it oftener
happens that they
are not above supporting themselves by dishonest means,
which should be more disreputable
. Cultivate poverty like a garden herb, like sage.
Do not trouble yourself much to get new things, whether clothes or friends.
Turn the old; return to them. Things do not change; we change.
Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts. God will see that you do not want society. If I were confined to a corner of a garret all my days, like a spider, the world would be just as large to me while I had my thoughts about me.
The philosopher said: “From an army of three divisions one can take away its general, and put it in disorder; from the man the most abject and
one cannot take away his thought.” Do not seek so anxiously to be developed, to subject yourself to many influences to be played
on; it is all dissipation. Humility like darkness reveals the heavenly lights.
The shadows of poverty and meanness gather around us
, “and lo! creation widens to our view.” We are often reminded that if there were bestowed
on us the wealth of Croesus,
our aims must still be the same, and our means essentially the same. Moreover, if you are restricted in your range by poverty, if you cannot buy books and newspapers, for instance, you are but confined to the most significant and vital experiences; you are compelled to deal with the material which yields the most sugar and the most starch. It is life near the bone where it is sweetest.
You are defended from being a trifler. No man loses ever on a lower level by magnanimity on a higher.
wealth can buy superfluities only.
Money is not required to buy one necessary of the soul.
The life in us is like the water in the river. It may rise this year higher than man has ever known it, and flood the parched uplands;
even this may be the eventful year, which will drown out all our muskrats.
It was not always dry land where we dwell. I see far inland the banks which the stream anciently washed, before science began to record its
. Every one has heard the story which has gone the rounds of New England, of a strong and beautiful bug which came out of the dry leaf of an old table of apple-tree wood
, which had stood in a farmer’s kitchen for sixty years, first in Connecticut
, and afterward in Massachusetts
,—from an egg deposited in the living tree many years earlier still, as appeared by counting the annual layers beyond it; which was heard gnawing out for several weeks, hatched
by the heat of an urn. Who does not feel his faith in a resurrection
and immortality strengthened by hearing of this? Who knows what beautiful and winged life,
whose egg has been buried for ages under many concentric
layers of woodenness in the dead dry life of society, deposited at first in the alburnum
of the green and living tree, which has been gradually converted into the semblance
of its well-seasoned tomb,—heard perchance gnawing out now for years by the astonished family of man, as they sat round the festive board,—may unexpectedly come forth from amidst society’s most trivial and handselled
furniture, to enjoy its perfect summer life at last!
I do not say that John or Jonathan will realize all this; but such is the character of that morrow which mere lapse of time can never make to dawn.
The light which puts out our eyes is darkness to us. Only that day dawns to which we are awake.
There is more day to dawn. The sun is but a morning star.